Sunday at the Masters

Sunday at the Masters is a religious experience for those of us who truly love the game. If you have been to Augusta, GA and actually walked the hallowed ground; you understand it even more. If Scotland is the Garden of Eden of golf, then Augusta is Calvary.

I guess it is because of that I am thinking on a very spiritual level this morning. I was contemplating Tiger Woods making the statement that he was a Buddhist and he started his behavioral problems because he quit being a Buddhist. Now he is a Buddhist again and is wearing a little string bracelet to remind him of that.

Because of that, I googled "Karma" this morning. Here is what I found:

We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness and misery. We create our own Heaven. We create our own Hell. We are the architects of our own fate.

Basically, Karma is moral causation. What we do in this life or past lifes causes or rewards or punishment in this and future lives.

If I had run around with 14 woman on my wife I think I would want to find a belief system that did not espouse (like the use of the root word spouse, I thought that was witty) this concept. I think I would try out something that involved forgiveness.

I think this Sunday at the Masters totally disproves Buddhism and Karma. Tiger being back from the lead after a five month layoff is what he deserves? No Frigging WAY! Now if he is 8 under on todays round and walking up the 18th fairway waving to the crowd when lightening comes out of the clear blue sky; striking one of huge pine trees on the left causing it fall square on his head; pile driving him into the ground, then; and only then, I will become a Buddhist.

I went by a church (cue the Mama's and the Papa's-anybody get that), you know one of those churches with the big sign out side. Apparently those churches have Pastor of Stupid Stuff to Put on the Sign. Maybe it is a committee, who knows. In any case this week the sign is very short and concise it says:

WANTED-SINNERS

I almost wrecked my car. I actually put my blinker on and started to turn around and take a picture. Then I thought, "They will think I am applying for the job" so I kept driving. I did note that there was no one in the parking lot. Of course it was a weekday so maybe the sinners knew to show up on Sunday at 11am, that is probably when they do the interview for sinners. They should have put more info on the sign. What if I felt really qualified and wanted to apply right away who do I contact? Is this an entry level position with any chance of advancement, what kind of hours would I be working, and what is the pay structure. Yeah yeah yeah, I know what some of you are thinking. Wages of sin are death. I'll keep my current position.

I thought some more. There is a sign on I95 that says Avoid Hell call 1 800 blah blah. This sign is facing the north bound lane so perhaps they just meant New Jersey. How did one avoid Hell before toll free numbers? Aren't toll free numbers so 1980's anyway, can't I avoid Hell via a website? Why not by text?

I was listening to my good friend John ( hey, isn't that Mama's and Papa's song too? What the heck am I channeling hippie music from the 60's today) talk yesterday and he was telling me a story about a guy telling a story about a shepherd. He said this shepherd (why don't we pronounce this she f erd?) had a bunch of sheep, one of them got lost. What do you think he did? I'll give you hint, he didn't erect a sign and say "Hey stupid soon to be Lamb Chops come here or call this number"

I'm just saying.

Most of you won't get this, those that do will.

Did the inventor of the Gearwrench earn a Noble Peace Prize? Everytime I work on my car (took off 25mm sway bar off of street car to put on race car that has 21mm) I marvel at the usefulness of my Gearwrenches. I can do with out my ipod or windows 1 thru 7, Vista, and whatever the current upgrade I am supposed to buy now but I don't think I can do with out my Gearwrenches.

I am thinking about buying another set to hang in my office as artwork.

I could write poetry about my Gear Wrenches.

A Gearwrench by any other name is still a gearwrench.

It is better to have a gearwrench and lost it than to have never had a gearwrench at all.

Ah, gearwrench is thy name.

And yes I have had an entire pot of coffee this morning.

www.gearwrench.com

Lets quit winking.

Ok, here is the subject-Racism. I am sick of how we wink at racism in out country. We get all up in arms because Harry Reid says "Negro" and "light skinned". I think the whole African American History month is a farce. Yes I said it. Keep reading.

Maybe it is because I grew up in Virginia and we Virginians know all American History starts there and we are taught it very well. As a little skinny white kid growing up the Old Dominion I learned about Booker T. Washington, I knew all about Lincoln because we went on field trips to Appomatax, I wrote reports about the civil war as far back as third grade. I already knew about most of the sanitized stuff that goes for African American History. Now that we have that official month how is it wasted? By talking about who invented Peanut Butter, the first traffic light, and windshield wiper motor.

While I can not live my life with out Peanut Butter, why aren't we using this month to talk about the travesty of slavery which is the genesis of the attitudes that still haunt our society today.

My kids are grown (they are also white) so maybe I don't know what goes on in school today, but let me ask this. How many kids (or adults for that matter) have read Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave? This book should be passed out on the first of February every year. One can not begin to talk about African American History with out reading this.

At the end of the day, no government appointed month or program will do anything to end racism. The only thing that will end racism is changing the heart of man. I read somewhere that that heart is desperately wicked. The above book is probably the second best book to help change the state of that heart.

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL!!

I was thinking yesterday evening. More specifically, I was tripping on some post dinner starbucks coffee (I'm sort of like the Gremlins-don't feed me Starbucks after 6pm).

What if I got on a football team. I went to the weight room everytime the strength coach was there. I worked out like crazy, ate the right stuff, bulked up like crazy. What if I went to practice everyday, got there early, stayed late, and did all the drills. What if I took the play book home and studied backwards and forwards, knew every players assignment on ever play. What if i did this but never, I mean never, got in a game. Never played a down. Never even got in on the last play of the game when the quarterback takes a knee. I'm talking never got on the field. Would I really be a football player?

Jesus said the law was summed up in two commandments. Love his dad, and love all your neighbors. What if I memorize scripture, pay my tithe, got to church and hang out with other "non sinners" like myself everytime the door is open. Do I have to finish this to make my point?

I'm thinking about a couple of things.

First, a very wise friend of mine recently told me his wish for his children is that they would be successful in a manner of which they deem success. I thought that was excellent.

Secondly, I was thinking about helmets. This is a long story, go away if you don't want to waste to much time.

It starts when I was about 10 or 11. We had backdoor neighbors, the Garretts, who had three sons and one daughter. My family has three daughters and one son. I often thought that maybe it would work out better if we would just switch and both families become more uniform. I didn't think my parents would want to give me up so I never pursued it. Anyway, the Garret's dad had been a motorcycle cop so he had an affinity for motorcycle so he bought the boys an old Honda. A Honda Dream to be exact. I thought this was the coolest thing in the world.

I didn't think there was anyway my parents would get me a motorcycle so I limited my desires to something more obtainable. I decide I would get a motorcycle helmet. My thought was if I bought a helmet it would only be logical that a motorcycle would have to come along soon after.

Every Saturday night my grandparents would take us to Crossroads Mall in Roanoke for dinner. Afterwards everybody would split up and go do shopping or whatever. That Saturday I found my helmet in Woolco, sort of the 60's version of Target. It was red, sure they had a red ,white, and blue one with the Easy Rider theme, but I preferred the red one. I went and found my dad and brought him back. "Look Dad, only 19.95 and I can wear it when I get doubled on the Garret's motorcycle. No Dice. It might have cost a million dollars. I didn't have access to much money and every time I got up to $4.00 saved I went to the Hobby Store (again on Saturdays at Crossroads Mall) and bought a new AFX race car for my slot car set. I never got that helmet.

Until. A few years ago I decided to dip my toe in to motor sports, a life long desire now with in reach. I was going to go autocrossing. First I needed a helmet. Of the the local motorcycle shop to pick one out. I didn't want one that looked like a motorcycle helmet so I found a nice open face white one with a visor. Looked just like the one that Mannix wore in the opening of his show (was on Saturday nights after we got back from the Mall). My wife called it my Adam Ant helmet, seems it was rather large.


Turns out my theory about the helmet attracting the motorcycle worked, next thing I know I had purchased a motorcycle. Well after my first ride and first few hundred bugs in the face I decided I wanted a full face helmet. Back to the store to get a nice black one.



That served me well until I decided to take my car to the actual race track.Seems at the race track, motorcycle helmets won't cut it in a car. Motorcycle helmets are to protect you from bouncing on the highway. Auto Racing Helmets protect you from burning in your car. So, I bought my second helmet. I kept the box that it came in for ever, it said GForce Racing. How cool is that.

Three helmets now how cool is that. What is way cooler is that those motorcycle helmets work. I did go bouncing down the highway, tore up the helmet. Had to buy another, this one was nicer. Lots of air vents and I now have installed a head set with FM Radio, Ipod, Bluetooth and intercom. How many times can I say cool in a blog?

Well, today I got another racing helmet. I am starting to do some wheel to wheel racing and they require a helmet with a visor. That brings the helmet count up to 5. My wife has almost caught me though. She had to get a helmet to ride behind me on the bike (1) then a modular helmet, I think because some money was burning a hole in her pocket (2) then when she bought a red bike she had to get a red helmet (3) then when she got a green bike, you guessed it. (4). Helmets are accessories to woman so they must match like shoes and handbags. I am not arguing that point.

That brings my house hold count up to 9. You know the shelf in most people home that hold cook books? Ours has helmets.

The moral of the story. If that kid standing in Woolco lusting after that red helmet could see me know we would know I am one of the most successful people on the planet!